THEN WHAT HAPPENS?
Then the baby chews its way out of her and she dies.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
I wish. No. It just breaks a bunch of her bones and her spine and stuff so Edward has to make her a vampire.
THIS WON ‘CHILDREN’S BOOK OF THE YEAR’?
I think that was sales based. You can’t underestimate the American 50+ women’s demographic. They’ll literally buy anything with a sex scene in it.
- when a girl wants to kiss you: she plays with her hair, looks down, fiddles with her fingers, and waits for you to make a move
- when a boy wants to kiss you: smiles nervously, tilts his head slightly, and waits for the right moment to make a move
- when i want to kiss you: i look at you from a distance, and start sobbing about how ugly i am and that i'll die with 80 cats, approximately
- when dementors want to kiss you: everythING GETS COLD AND ICY AND FROZEN AND YOU FEEL AS IF THERE IS NO FUCKING HAPPINESS LEFT IN THE WORLD AND THEN YOU FUCKING RUN BITCH RUN FOR YOUR SOUL
A pair of Wisconsin parents took a decidedly modern approach toward punishing their daughter when she misbehaved recently: They confiscated her phone and used it to take several photos of themselves doing silly faces, which they subsequently uploaded to her Facebook page.
The best, worst parents ever.